He plopped down on the couch and treated Daughter and I to stories of his recent dating experiences. Naturally, he moved to the subject of me finding a man.
Beloved Brother: You’re 43 years old…you’re in CRISIS MODE.
Darling Daughter: You’re not getting any younger.
Daughter couldn’t help teasing me….
Crisis Mode? I never thought of it that way. I dated as a teenager. I started dating the man who became my husband in high school. I’ve dated since my divorce. I’ve spent almost my entire adult life WITH somebody, or married.
I think maybe taking time between relationships, time to recalibrate, might be underrated. I can’t be the only one enjoying a bit of ME time, right?
Because I love cupcakes, I’m going with the cupcake analogy:
I wake up happy every day. Love my children, family, friends, job, home and most days, my dogs. The right person would be the icing on the cupcake. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I’m not rushing to frost the cupcake. When it happens, it happens.
I haven’t been in a hurry…
But then I hadn’t realized I’d entered CRISIS MODE.
Not to worry, my brother softened the blow.
Beloved Brother: Really, you’re what most men are looking for…
Beloved Brother: Your kids are about raised. You’ve got one away at college and the other is independent, almost out of the house.
Darling Daughter snickered.
Me (teasing Daughter): You’re a liability. Nobody really wants to deal with another person’s kids…
Darling Daughter: Thanks a lot.
My brother was oblivious to the insult he’d just delivered; agreed that no man wants little kids, or even teenagers hanging around. He reassured me that mine were tolerable because of their ages, before moving on…
Beloved Brother: You’ve got a job, you’re doing well. You’re not looking for somebody to take care of you. And you don’t want to get married again.
I was speechless, which is a rare thing. He did get me thinking though…
A second marriage? It’s never been a goal, or a driving force in my life. When I was in my twenties, I married for love, to have children, a home and to build a life with a man I expected to grow old with. I learned in my first go-around that marriage comes with no guarantee, doesn’t always keep a person faithful and committed. Just because people get married, doesn’t mean they stay married.
It wasn’t easy to get where I’m at now. My life works. For me and for my children. Of course, I would feel blessed to share my life with somebody special. But I think that might be enough. I’m not ruling out another marriage someday–but neither is it something I NEED to complete my life.
Thank you Beloved Brother for pointing out that I’m getting long in the tooth. Much appreciated. Your stories of online dating, divorce groups and such? Not making me eager to go down those roads. Not super inspiring.
What my brother calls CRISIS MODE, doesn’t exactly feel like a crisis to me.
I’ve been busy building a career, raising children, dating, socializing, spending time with family and friends–having fun.
And someday…perhaps a special person will happen along and it will be like frosting on a cupcake.