Crisis Mode & The Frosting on my Cupcake

white cupcakeMy brother stopped over for a visit a few days ago. He’s single.

He plopped down on the couch and treated Daughter and I to stories of his recent dating experiences. Naturally, he moved to the subject of me finding a man.

Beloved Brother: You’re 43 years old…you’re in CRISIS MODE.

Me: Huh?

Darling Daughter: You’re not getting any younger.

Daughter couldn’t help teasing me….

Crisis Mode?  I never thought of it that way.  I dated as a teenager. I started dating the man who became my husband in high school. I’ve dated since my divorce. I’ve spent almost my entire adult life WITH somebody, or married.

I think maybe taking time between relationships, time to recalibrate, might be underrated. I can’t be the only one enjoying a bit of ME time, right?

Because I love cupcakes, I’m going with the cupcake analogy:

I wake up happy every day. Love my children, family, friends, job, home and most days, my dogs. The right person would be the icing on the cupcake. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I’m not rushing to frost the cupcake. When it happens, it happens.

I haven’t been in a hurry…

But then I hadn’t realized I’d entered CRISIS MODE.

Not to worry, my brother softened the blow.

Beloved Brother: Really, you’re what most men are looking for…

Me: Huh?

Beloved Brother:  Your kids are about raised. You’ve got one away at college and the other is independent, almost out of the house.

Darling Daughter snickered.

Me (teasing Daughter): You’re a liability. Nobody really wants to deal with another person’s kids…

Darling Daughter: Thanks a lot.

My brother was oblivious to the insult he’d just delivered; agreed that no man wants  little kids, or even teenagers hanging around. He reassured me that mine were tolerable because of their ages, before moving on…

Beloved Brother:  You’ve got a job, you’re doing well. You’re not looking for somebody to take care of you. And you don’t want to get married again.

Me:  Right.

I was speechless, which is a rare thing. He did get me thinking though…

Daughter and I (left) and Son and my Brother (right)

Daughter and I (left two photos) and Son and my Brother (right

A second marriage? It’s never been a goal, or a driving force in my life. When I was in my twenties, I married for love, to have children, a home and to build a life with a man I expected to grow old with. I learned in my first go-around that marriage comes with no guarantee, doesn’t always keep a person faithful and committed. Just because people get married, doesn’t mean they stay married.

It wasn’t easy to get where I’m at now. My life works. For me and for my children. Of course, I would feel blessed to share my life with somebody special. But I think that might be enough. I’m not ruling out another marriage someday–but neither is it something I NEED to complete my life.

Thank you Beloved Brother for pointing out that I’m getting long in the tooth. Much appreciated. Your stories of online dating, divorce groups and such? Not making me eager to go down those roads. Not super inspiring.

What my brother calls CRISIS MODE, doesn’t exactly feel like a crisis to me.

I’ve been busy building a career, raising children, dating, socializing, spending time with family and friends–having fun.

And someday…perhaps a special person will happen along and it will be like frosting on a cupcake.

16 thoughts on “Crisis Mode & The Frosting on my Cupcake

  1. I hope that one day that extra-special someone will come your way and pamper, spoil, and love you the way you deserve!!! You are an amazing woman and wish that we still kept in touch!

  2. Amy love your writing and BTW you interacted with my my dad in your last role. He is doing well since his stroke and going to be 80 this year. Small world from NDC to now. So glad to hear of your success and happiness.

  3. Your kids will always hate the person your with. You will be alone and your kids can take care if you . That is you destiny.

    • That’s one viewpoint, Mia. I wouldn’t want my children to ‘take care’ of me, I’d hope they would be busy living their own lives. One thing you’ve got right–I’d rather be alone, than with a person my children don’t get along with. There are worse things than being alone…

    • Actually, I will not always hate the person that my mom is with as long as they love her and my brother and I…and they don’t cheat, of course. My mom just hasn’t found someone who is worthy of her yet, but she will.

      • Also, next time you post something nasty make sure you are grammatically correct (such as your vs. you’re) and that you spell things correctly.

    • Mia, you are a mess. Leave no more messages on Amy’s blog. I know who you are and I really do not want to have to address this with you personally. Amy is talented, intelligent, creative and loved. You cannot even put a sentence together, let alone a coherent thought. As I hear people say to their dogs, LEAVE IT.

    • Larry…I laughed when I read your comment. Why can’t I live on my own? I hope I don’t need a keeper!!!

      For more than five years, I’ve kept a roof over our heads. The children have always been with me at least 75% of the time. I’ve never been a 50/50 mom, the kids have always lived with me. And they’re home every day; if only to stop for a chat, a quick shower, a snack, to warm up leftovers or to play with (wind up??) the dogs. I manage to hold down a job, pay bills, cook and clean, take care of 4 dogs and 2 children, run Daughter back/forth to college–just like tons of other single parents do. Probably, I’ve done many of those things half-assed at times. The 2 acres of grass might get a bit long before Son or I hop on the tractor to mow it, dirty laundry occasionally piles up, dogs run across the kitchen floor with muddy paws…and (God forbid) I DO NOT go upstairs, if I can help it. Nothing up there but kids bedrooms, their bathroom and a sitting area. Nothing I need to see. My bedroom and bathroom are downstairs!!

      Many people leave a marriage and go stay with their parents because its free. Or get apartments/condos because they’re easier to maintain. I’ve always had a house with a yard, gutters to be cleaned, a driveway to shovel and an inside to (on a good day) be kept clean. Hopefully I don’t need Diane, my brother, a family member or friend to take me in. I had planned to continue to living on my own like a grown up. I also plan (gasp!!) to purchase a home for myself in the next couple of years…

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