Single, Over 40 & Online Dating


There seems to be a constant stream of advertising to promote online dating services.

Or maybe I notice because I am single. Same as taking note of car commercials when we need to buy a car. Weight loss commercials when we are chubby.

Confession. I’m terrified of online dating.

I’m not afraid of meeting new people. I do that all the time. Nor do I fear rejection. Been rejected and survived—even see the benefits of it in hindsight. And I’m not afraid of putting my information ‘out there.’ Thanks to the internet, we are ALL kind of ‘out there’ anyway. And I typically only write, email or say things that I would say directly to a person, or admit to saying. That wouldn’t embarrass me (or others) if they were on a billboard.  Life is more simple that way. Straightforward.

So it isn’t a privacy issue. Or that I am a single, divorced, mother of teenagers. Just a hair over 40. All of that statistically makes dating more complicated. But none of it bothers me.

Quotes and claims from a couple of well-known sites:

eHarmony – #1 Trusted Online Dating Site for Singles

Unlike traditional dating websites, eHarmony matches compatible men and women based on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility that are predictors of long-term relationship success. To begin your eHarmony experience, register now and complete your Relationship Questionnaire. Once you’ve completed the questionnaire, you will receive your FREE Personality Profile and our Matching System will begin prescreening singles against your profile. – The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles and Personals

The site promotes taking a personality test with Amarnath Thombre,’s vice-president of strategy and the keeper of the site’s matching algorithm said this online:

We don’t pretend to know who is right for you, but we use mathematics to quickly learn how your complexity shows itself on the site, we are like a bartender who is always observing particularly which types of people are talking to each other and hitting it off.

Seems to be a whole lot of testing, analysis and psychology going on.

My (quirky?) fear…

What if I take the personality profiles and ‘tests’ then get matched with a series of fu#kwits? If they are my Perfect match, then I am a fu#kwit, as well. And I’ll have confirmation of it.

So, it isn’t so much a fear of online dating. It’s more about the ‘test results.’

If I avoid the sophisticated dating websites–and the ‘high tech’ surveys and personality profiles–then I can keep the illusion that I am a sane, normal, person. Because who the computer matches me with surely reflects me–especially if I am completely honest when I take all the ‘tests.’

And even if I’m not honest, these sites are designed to ‘catch’ the liars. And also those who think they are being truthful…

For example, I say I’m attracted to dark-haired men and that money/career aren’t important as long as Mr. Perfect is ‘nice.’ But then I only view profiles of gray-haired men. Many photographed behind the wheels of  their expensive sports cars. The jig is up and the computer is onto me…

So I’m NOT doing any online dating. No thank you. Maybe I am as self-evolved as I want to be just now. And these sites are going to match crazy with crazy.

But what if I miss out on meeting the man of my dreams? Getting engaged. Or married again? (Lord help me…)

I guess I’ll take my chances.


Where’s the story?

“You two seem soooo happy. How did you guys meet?”

Well…we sat down at our respective computers. Spent about an hour filling out a series of online forms, profiles and tests. Paid our fees. Got our passwords, then a list of Perfect matches. I looked at his photo and bio. He looked at my photo and bio. And we just KNEW. The computer cross referencing was spot on!!


Her Story: I paged through hundreds of profiles. And there he was. He loves kids and dogs. Cooking. Spending time with family and friends. Going on picnics. Watching the sunset. Loves butterflies, unicorns and rainbows. Blah, blah, blah…

His Story: She was the ONLY one who responded to me.

Online dating isn’t for me. I’ll stick to meeting who I meet, dating who I date. Taking one day at a time. Winging it. For now, anyway…

Note to Readers: Comment away. But please don’t point out my oddities and shortcomings. Or tell me I’m riding the crazy train. (I’d rather not know) In other words, don’t burst my bubble!

2 thoughts on “Single, Over 40 & Online Dating

  1. I’ve got nothin’ but love for you! No faults, flaws or crazy trains! But if you do ever decide to give online dating a try I am coming over there to kick your butt!

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