Another week, Another Failure???

I have struggled some this week. Honestly, it was a tough week.

Started when the Trusty Honda got ‘tired’ (i.e. stopped running) while I was driving  50mph on a busy road and I coasted (ironically) into a used car lot.

What could I do? I locked the car. And my neighbor Chapman came and got me.

After weighing my options, I had the car towed to a repair shop. Seeing my car on the tow truck had me downtrodden.

That evening, a friend picked me up for a meeting:

Friend: My car might not start later.

Me: Huh?

Friend: Yeah. My son moved it and left the lights on. We had to jump it the other day.

Me: I have jumper cables in my car.

Friend: Shoot!! I forgot mine at home.

Me: We are driving past my car. Maybe we should get my jumper cables? It isn’t like they are going to help me at this point…

Thankfully, we grabbed them from my trunk because she used them the next morning to jump-start her car…

Later in the week:

That same friend sent out a reminder that this Friday is Bunco night. (Yes, I live an exciting life…)

Me: I will be there. Somebody might need to stop over and pick me up, but I will be there!!

Friend: I hear you. My car is at shop now. By the way, thanks for the jumper cables. They came in handy this morning.

Me: Seriously? We might have to leave early and WALK to Bunco…

Friend: No. I’m picking it up now. New battery, so I’m good to go. (We hope!)

Me: You don’t like walking? I might like it A LOT. Depending on how much it costs to fix my car.

Friend: I do like walking….it is actually a lot better for me than riding. And my battery was not cheap, so good luck.

Another Friend: Yep. I will be there, too. I can walk with you guys. I got lost a couple of times while walking in Florida and ended up on 2 1/2 hour walks…

Happen to adore ‘Another Friend.’ Hilarious that she sort of skipped the part where the ‘walking’ was due to our car troubles.

I was looking outside at my empty driveway when she texted me (and others) a short time later…

Another Friend: Since you guys like to walk, want to do the Susan G. Koman walk with me? It requires raising a lot of money, though.

Me: Let me think about it. That is a big commitment.

Another Friend: I just found a 5 mile walk we can do in September for charity.

Me: Great!

Much easier to go with it…

(Though I’ll be sure to tease her about it this weekend when I see her .)

Anyways, my favorite mechanic put a ‘band aid’ on my car and it is running again. And I couldn’t be more grateful after four days with no car.

I (mostly) kept my chin up and tried not to feel like a complete loser.

Single parent. Two teenagers. Two dogs. Meager means. No ‘real’ job.

The cherry on top? No car.

When I am stressed or upset, I clean.

Others might get drunk, cry, or lash out in anger.

I paint and re-finish furniture. Rearrange rooms.  Clean behind kitchen appliances. Weed the yard.

And while I am cleaning, I am working out solutions. The upside is that when my low mood passes, my surroundings look fantastic and I am ready to move forward again.

But what really got me over the hump this week?                My 17-year-old daughter.

And her handling of a school assignment. Her teacher often assigns the class a question; the students post their responses to an online forum and have an online discussion with each other. The latest question…

What makes a hero today? Who is your personal hero? Why? How does this person fit the mold of a modern hero?

“A hero is someone who is strong and courageous. Not necessarily in the typical, life-threatening, fighting dragons kind of way but someone who can stand up for what they believe in and go against the grain. My mom is my personal hero. She has been through her mother’s death when she was young, a divorce, moving, getting a job, being unemployed, struggling to keep my brother and me happy and well-cared for, and getting along with my Dad. Rather than take the normal path and finding whatever cruddy job she could, she chose to do what she loves and make that a career. She is a writer and an eBay PowerSeller, not a chemist or a teacher or an accountant. She is doing what she loves even though she is always criticized and it is really difficult sometimes. No matter what life has thrown at her, my mom has always been clear-headed and happy. She has never given up hope or ignored her personal beliefs to please someone else; she has done what is best for my brother, herself and I. Her unselfishness and strength amazes me every day. My mom fits the mold of a modern hero because her love, spirit, happiness, and strength do not fit any kind of mold. She is one of a kind and anyone would be proud to be half as good of a person as she is and I am so lucky to be her daughter.”

And just like that, I was over it. I know my reasons for making many of the decisions I’ve made. For not straying from my core. And I have certainly made plenty of mistakes. (Too many to count…) But my family, friends and those close to me have always been my top priority.

And they always will be. My children know this. Not so much by my words, but in how I live each day. By my actions. The choices I make.

I cannot feel like a failure after reading that last night.

Even if I am walking, instead of driving a car…

2 thoughts on “Another week, Another Failure???

  1. (1) I’ll walk with you! Heck…it’ll be just a hike just to meet you to walk.
    (2) I don’t miss those discussion boards. At. All. I think I wrote mine about my Grandma Evie. or Superman. Same Thing.
    (3) When I’m stressed or angry or bored (or just all the time, including the usual happy times), I love to redecorate and move stuff around.
    (4) You are an amazing gal. I’ve always looked up to your stick-to-it-ness and your, well, sense of you. There’s no way to describe it, as it should be. 🙂

  2. Thank you so much for your kind words. (Just seeing your name in the comments made me smile)I wouldn’t have known Katie wrote that, but she told me about it and showed it to me. And it was a nice way to wrap up what has been a difficult week. With any luck, I am not sticking to ‘stupidity’ (hahaha). I was lucky to have been raised in a family where we accepted each other for who we all were. Unique, different, flawed, etc. For me, it is easy to be ‘me’ and actually harder anytime I try to be something I’m not. (Something you would ‘get’) Just between you, me and WordPress… you are also quite something…a young lady that I greatly admire. Cannot wait to go for a walk with you in a couple of weeks…

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